Mojo for running lost, replaced with weights

I am a runner, that is my thing. However, last November I joined a gym, some people call it a cult. I was hooked right away. There is something so different and unique about this gym and the 2 trainers that own it. I am in the best shape of my life.  Thanks to them.

The hard part has been getting back to a running plan. When I work on something I tend to get very focused on it. Leaving other things by the wayside. That is where I am with my running. This past January I started training for the NYC half - and again due to my focus, that was all I did, I did not cross train, I ran. I did tempos, speed, long runs. No matter what the weather was, I recall being on the track with snow and texting my coach/friend that I can't believe I am doing this. She was proud. I rarely missed what she gave me. Rain/snow/sleet/mother effing cold. I did it. It paid off, I ran a PR at NYC half, and I felt awesome about it. Not just PR time wise. A PR b/c I was better at pacing myself and not being scared to push and go for it and BELIEVE that I could do the pace I was doing. I was able to push out the negative thoughts and have positive thoughts.

I have no desire to do that training again. I don't want to be out there in the cold. I don't want to do long runs. But mostly it is the cold. I was so on last time that I know I just don't want that in January.

I hope the mojo comes back. I have some goals to complete at the gym with my strength - so i am sure once that is done, I will pick a race and get back at it.

Quinoa

Since I have started my journey on eating better and being lean, I have come across the grain quinoa and all its wonderful benefits. I have tried to enjoy it, I think once I made a dish that I liked but since then, I seem to always not quite like it. I just got a wonderful stuffed squashed from a local place, it was stuff with veggies and quinoa - and there just seems to be a taste that is strange to me.

I love me some faro. but quinoa i just can't seem to do.

My favorite meals currently are turkey london broil, and chicken burgers. Lean meat - high in protein. For sides, i am loving brussel sprouts roasted with 1 slice of bacon, zucchini roasted with some olive oil and then some parm cheese.

But I get in a rut. Help me get out, what you got ??

The Happiness Project

I am currently reading The Happiness Project. I love reading but have not been gung ho about a book in a while. I usually refuse to NOT finish a book even if I hate it, but as age creeps up on me I realize this is silly. So the last 4 books I don't think I finished b/c they were ehh.

When I first started the above book I was thrilled and excited b/c I was really enjoying it. The author seemed to hit on several notes that I understood. You know when you read a sentence and you are feel like the person finally articulated your feelings.

However, as I have gotten further in I am conflicted. I also feel like this could be a 1950's book on how to be a happy female. Please your mate, don't nag, make new friends. As of now I plan on finishing it. I will say there have been many tips that I have taken away from it and have been implementing and I am thankful for that. However, I just can't get away from that feeling that it is very simpleton as well as very "do a craft with your kids and enjoy that moment for life" - I guess it is sort of what that woman Glennon from the monkee blog wrote about, when someone told her to enjoy those moments and she was like fuck you.


I am looking forward to finishing the book b/c next up is the Book Thief and I feel like that one might keep me where I enjoy being while reading a great book.

just a thought - i agree with you is different than i understand you

panic attack

So the other night I had a complete panic attack. It was in regards to our basement playroom. I do not clean it at all. It is a nightmare of chaos and mess. The girls do not keep it clean, which keeps me out of it and it just gets worse and worse. Out of no where I thought - oh my lord they are going to have major problems in life b/c i didn't organize and have a pininterest basement/playroom/art center. I thought they must just hate me and the house and envy all other homes. I thought of them in college thinking back to how horrible their life was b/c of the messy basement.

I tried to calm myself down. I tried to reason with myself. This is not something to have a panic attack about. I can work on it and make it better but it is not ruining my kids. I tried to think that I am sure every Mom out there is thinking - if I only did x y z better then my kids will be better off. Etc. The mom who works want more time with kids, the mom who doesn't exercise feels her kids won't learn to take care of themselves, the mom who doesn't read with her kids at night feels their reading will be damaged, and on and on and on.

I need to take a deep breath. Figure out how to work on basement and make it better. Have the kids help so it stays organized. But this won't happen over night and it doesn't have to. I can do it as a project and work on it, not go crazy about it.

Restful day

As a Mom I find that guilt free rest is rare. Yes I may sit down and rest but it is usually accompanied by a feeling of wow I suck, I should be doing laundry, cleaning out the pantry closet, calling an old friend. ANYTHING but resting.

However, I found the guilt free way. Get sick. YEP. I have full on head cold with chest congestion and I am going to park myself on the couch and NOT feel bad about all the things I am not doing. Even gave the pass of a no workout day which is hard for me. But listening to my body and all is good. Going to enjoy it and not be upset about it. Since it is rare.

A friend of mine once told me that her Mom told her guilt was a selfish emotion. I believe I could feel guilty about anything. Which means I must be one selfish bitch.

The Beginning

So hear it is....I while back after giving birth to my second child I was going a touch nutty. I found the world of blogs and started reading some, then i started writing my own. It was great fun, I was making connections, writing for some papers websites and such, going to companies functions to review their products.

It was very helpful to have other folks who understood what I was going through, a community. No judgement. I was doing it all anonymously, so I felt free to really be me. Then someone found me out, that changed it for me. Then I started reconnecting with the world and had other things I was focused on. I stopped blogging. But, I was still reading the blogs I enjoyed (quite a few), then google reader went away and so did me reading any blogs.

However, of late I keep feeling the need to get feelings out on paper. Not just feelings, but share ideas about my passions, parenting, health and nutrition. So I might just try again.